Saturday, January 13, 2007


I felt a tear drop falling
I'll swear I did
But when I touched my cheek
It wasn't wet.

I felt a sharpness crawling
Along my skin
I could not find a fresh cut
Only scars.

I feel the salt is drying
My skin is stretching tight
Erupted pain-
A mask that shows
All I tried to hide.

I felt a sudden tremor
In the Air
But I can only feel the echoes,
I no longer hear the scream.


In love, uncertainty
What to do but let the feelings rush and ramble seize the soul in love and pain and feel the moments writhe and struggle getting through the day

Ever present, tight
I must cope with strength and courage arrogance and confidence in all I Thought I knew Needs faith Stubborn Faith to carry me on through

The Night

moments crawl company or space Alcohol or cool clear Mind Both twisted in my hate I cannot break


But I can always Make-Believe

Wednesday, January 10, 2007


I can't get this song out of my head for the last day or so!

I don't want everything. . .

Callum got some money for Christmas, and decided he wanted a new game for his console thingies. So yesterday he went and got a wrestling game for his playstation, when we tried it at home it wouldn't load up, so had lots of tantrums. Today I took it back to the shop with him, pointed out that he already had 3 wrestling games anyway-and he decided he would swap it for Animal Crossing on his DS, as he could link that game up with Nicoles and her mates. SO, we get that, walking home he says 'but can I still have the new wrestling one?' I pointed out for the umpteenth time that he only had enough money for one or the other, he'd chosen animal crossing, so he'd have to wait longer to save for the other one and I used the term 'You can't have Everything!'
To which he replied, 'I don't want EVERYTHING! I don't want Cheese!'


And his next sentence was 'Mum, can you do me cheese on toast when we get home?'

LMFAO! Oh the joys of kids! They are not annoying at all-as long as you've already resigned your self to the madness and remember to laugh!

Saturday, January 06, 2007

fucking fuck!

ok, great, new year and as usual everything decides to collapsa on me all at once. My own fault as usual. I need to send back insurance forms for my car, and havn't yet. I need to renew my housing benefit, and havn't yet. One of the companies I'm in debt to have decided to move on a step and send Bailiffs round-even though I have been paying the agreed reduced sum-so I have to phone them. And if they have decided to kick off again I bet the other companies will too. THEN this morning I get a letter telling me I have been accused of 'fly tipping' which probably refers to the fact that I put my bins out in the entry the day before the bin men come-and I don't have a wheelie bin to put them in because that got stolen years ago (about a month after the council issued them.) I'm told I need a solicitor at that meeting.
Great. All this on top of everything.
Nothing gets better, the shit just gets deeper and it seems there is no escape. I can't cope with my life at all. It's all fucked up, I have fucked it up really badly, and I don't see a way out.
yeh, feel shitty today.
So many things hanging over me.

Friday, January 05, 2007

I Love You, But it's All in My Head

How many worlds spin on in our minds
While linear time plods on outside
Magic encounters a boundless realm
While exterior cynical reason sees life.

Half patterned thoughts dance in formless charm
While the eyes define what is real
Consciousness keeps up it's postmodern show
All that we touch, is not all we feel.


Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Keep Going

It's far too soon to be sure
So it's all down to trust
It's far too destructive to doubt
In this faithless world.
Maybe sometime after this life
There's a savior waiting for me
I once thought I had one before
But he just screwed me.

It's far too late to turn back
So I'd better go on
It's far too cold standing still
In this friendless storm.
Maybe somewhere over that hill
There's some courage waiting for me
I know exactly where I've been
That's what scares me.


Tia's feeling aggressive

Might be a bit of weird stuff coming from me the next couple of days. Just letting stuff out. Not to worry. :)