Memories
My morning was a bit strange and reflective today. I happened to have to go to the street in which I lived between the ages of about 1 and 15, it's been a long time since I was back there.
The first strange thing was remembering lots of anxiety dreams I've had since I started driving about turning into the road I used to live in. It's a one-way street, and the way you have to turn into it is on an awkward 'blind' corner. I've had many dreams about going back there and being lost, or about worrying about missing the turning and ending up somewhere else instead. All this came flooding back to me as I drove closer. I made the turn fine, and then felt my senses hit by a tsunami of memories. I stopped outside the clinic (I was there to drop a prescription off for my mum), and then I felt like I just couldn't leave. I had Faith in the car, so I decided to take her for a walk in the park at the end of the street (Princes park). That park was more drenched in flashbacks and memories than I expected. As I walked through it more and more things came rushing back to me. The fountain reminded me of the first time I ever sagged off school with my mate, it had been pouring down but we couldn't go anywhere dry because we were meant to be in school (I guess we should have just gone to school, lol!) I remembered the stuff we used to do to pass the time, such as re-enacting scenes from Dirty Dancing (come to think of it, we walked through that park to get to the video shop were me and my mates hired that video out every day until it got dropped in a puddle and mum had to buy the tape!I still have it!). My memories of the park went even further, my dad tought me to ride a bike there, my mum used to take us for picnics there when we were all very little and before my brother became a drug addict and I became a stroppy teenager. Then I remembered that I thought there used to be a little memorial stone for a donkey there somewhere, I didn't go looking for it, but I want to return one day and hunt out all those little things with my camera. The park is surrounded by places that were central to my childhood. Some of the old buildings of my secondary school were by one set of gates, and thats also right next door to the flat my dad lived in for the first few months after my parents divorced. Next to another gate is the house that some family friends lived in, where I got my nose broken, and spent many many hours (that place takes me further down memory lane to a crush on one of the boys, lasagne, getting cought shoplifting, dogs, parties in a huge garden, it just goes on and on), opposite that house was the flat were I first lived with a boyfriend (Colin)-even more memories too many to go into, but for me, everything was flooding my senses, I could feel/hear/smell my past in that park.
I had a dream one day, when I was a teenager (about 15?), I dreampt that I was a part of that park, I was a part of the trees, the grass, the GREENESS, and when I woke (this part is real, not a dream!), I went out, bought green clothes, bleached my hair and died that green, and then I went and sat underneath a tree in that park and felt connected. I think some people thought I was mad, but every now and then I get that feeling of being a part of the life force in nature, and it feels so good, so spiritual.
I don't think I'll dye my hair green again, but I will return in some ways. I want my children to have strong memories of childhood too, so often it is too easy for me to remember my childhood by the bad landmarks. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the amazingly good feelings too.
The first strange thing was remembering lots of anxiety dreams I've had since I started driving about turning into the road I used to live in. It's a one-way street, and the way you have to turn into it is on an awkward 'blind' corner. I've had many dreams about going back there and being lost, or about worrying about missing the turning and ending up somewhere else instead. All this came flooding back to me as I drove closer. I made the turn fine, and then felt my senses hit by a tsunami of memories. I stopped outside the clinic (I was there to drop a prescription off for my mum), and then I felt like I just couldn't leave. I had Faith in the car, so I decided to take her for a walk in the park at the end of the street (Princes park). That park was more drenched in flashbacks and memories than I expected. As I walked through it more and more things came rushing back to me. The fountain reminded me of the first time I ever sagged off school with my mate, it had been pouring down but we couldn't go anywhere dry because we were meant to be in school (I guess we should have just gone to school, lol!) I remembered the stuff we used to do to pass the time, such as re-enacting scenes from Dirty Dancing (come to think of it, we walked through that park to get to the video shop were me and my mates hired that video out every day until it got dropped in a puddle and mum had to buy the tape!I still have it!). My memories of the park went even further, my dad tought me to ride a bike there, my mum used to take us for picnics there when we were all very little and before my brother became a drug addict and I became a stroppy teenager. Then I remembered that I thought there used to be a little memorial stone for a donkey there somewhere, I didn't go looking for it, but I want to return one day and hunt out all those little things with my camera. The park is surrounded by places that were central to my childhood. Some of the old buildings of my secondary school were by one set of gates, and thats also right next door to the flat my dad lived in for the first few months after my parents divorced. Next to another gate is the house that some family friends lived in, where I got my nose broken, and spent many many hours (that place takes me further down memory lane to a crush on one of the boys, lasagne, getting cought shoplifting, dogs, parties in a huge garden, it just goes on and on), opposite that house was the flat were I first lived with a boyfriend (Colin)-even more memories too many to go into, but for me, everything was flooding my senses, I could feel/hear/smell my past in that park.
I had a dream one day, when I was a teenager (about 15?), I dreampt that I was a part of that park, I was a part of the trees, the grass, the GREENESS, and when I woke (this part is real, not a dream!), I went out, bought green clothes, bleached my hair and died that green, and then I went and sat underneath a tree in that park and felt connected. I think some people thought I was mad, but every now and then I get that feeling of being a part of the life force in nature, and it feels so good, so spiritual.
I don't think I'll dye my hair green again, but I will return in some ways. I want my children to have strong memories of childhood too, so often it is too easy for me to remember my childhood by the bad landmarks. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the amazingly good feelings too.
posted by samsarajade at 2:05 PM
4 Comments:
hey don't forget Parkfield Road is off Prinny Park to (:
Do ya know i once found a 4 leaf clover in that park. i used to go there very early in the morning when i was tripping me box off... just me and the rabbits (there are loads of um around dead early).
Satellite Shot
yeh, I did think of all the 'lark lane' crowd too, cos that area was on the side of the park where my upper school was, also, that was where Grahams dog did her 'escape for a s**g' thing too! I'll definitely have to go back and spend some more time just reveling in the memories!
Sounds like you had time travel of the mind. It is a strange experience when memories are invoked with such vividness.
dear samsarajade,
what a very interesting read! You should definitely do some more of this.
Childhood memories are very evocative. My father was a very keen photographer. Unfortunately he died when I was young and my mother (the Black Dowager in "The Chronicles") threw away most of his photographs.
However, a few years ago I managed to rescue two boxes of very old slides - I got them scanned onto disk and spent hours on the PC cleaning them up so I could get them printed off and put into an album for my two brothers and my mother.
What memories they held! There were pictures of a very blond haired electrofried aged four, my younger brother and I in knitted swimming trunks, and a particularly evocative photoggaph of me sitting in a go-kart made out of pram wheels and a discarded orange-box.
Unfortunately I still don't have a picture of my dad ... but one day!
Do keep up the good work. There is something about both reading and writing blogs that is rather special and somewhat therapeutic and I am indebted to you for introducing me to the concept in the first place.
best regards,
electrofried (mr)
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